I first started writing BDSM erotica as fan fiction several years ago, and posted it at a few fanfic sites. It was something I did for my own enjoyment and because some fellow fans enjoyed it as well. My only intention was to entertain and turn people on. It never occurred to me that it might actually have a more profound effect on people’s lives.
One of my readers back then contacted me and thanked me for sharing those stories. She said they had introduced her to a world she didn’t know existed, and had shown her that the fantasies and things that aroused her were not sick. For the first time she felt she didn’t have to be ashamed of her desires, and now had a way to explore them. Reading my stories had changed her life.
I was surprised, to say the least, and very glad that I’d been careful to write realistic scenes. I had felt it was important to do so because a) I wanted the reader to have an authentic vicarious experience, and b) I knew I could do a lot of harm by giving misinformation. But it had never occurred to me that my writing might have such a powerful influence.
Because of this I don’t write anything I haven’t personally experienced or seen done. (Unless I’m writing something paranormal— I’ve never actually been bitten by a vampire, for instance.) Knowing that some of my readers have no idea what BDSM is really like, I want to be honest and not sacrifice reality in the name of dramatic license. Besides, I find it more interesting to read the real thing, because it can give you a new perspective. That’s one of the reasons I’m drawn to authors like Tony Hillerman or Dana Stabenow—they introduce me to cultures I’m not familiar with, and give me a sense of how the members of those cultures think. In my writers group (No Safeword Writer’s Group, a great bunch of people) I’m always fascinated when someone presents a story from a Dom’s point of view. I’m a sub, myself, and love hearing what goes on in the head of a Dom.
I will occasionally have one of my characters break the rules, and there are probably some practitioners out there who find that upsetting. But I think that’s part of writing a realistic character’s practice of BDSM. Most of us break the rules at some point. It can go horribly wrong, so I make it clear to the reader that what the character’s doing is a Really Bad Idea.
My reasons for writing BDSM erotica are still the same as they were way back then: to entertain and turn people on. But now, in addition, I hope that I can help people understand what real BDSM practitioners do. I want to open people’s minds and engage them in a world they might not otherwise know. And for those who are already into kink, I want to share my own internal experience of it, because it’s different for everyone. If I’m doing my job right, I’ll give my readers something to think about as well as something to fantasize about.
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Hi CP 😀 I love writing erotica. I’m not into full blown BDSM yet, but working my way there 😀 I think before a person can write a BDSM book, they need to find out what it’s all about. And thank goodness you try to teach that in your writing. Some authors go off the deep end on what they THINK BDSm is about without any research. Great post 😀
Hi, Milly! Practice, practice, practice… 😉
I’m not sure how people write things they don’t know. I figure I’ll look like an idiot if I try to write a main character who’s a brain surgeon or a computer programmer, or something else that’s pure mystery to me.
The thing with BDSM is that if the writer doesn’t know what they’re talking about, people who really are into BDSM will read it and laugh. Or be offended. Readers who aren’t into BDSM might be fooled…and might go try something that’s in the story without knowing just how dangerous it can be. Handcuffs may look cool, for instance, but they’re much more likely to cause nerve damage than other forms of bondage. So I think it’s important to be responsible.
Loved this post! This is much how I approach writing BDSM erotica. I’m big about asking others’ for their experience on things that I’m the wrong gender, for instance. Like when I asked a transwoman (that’s how she identifies herself) journalist and activist to give me her opinion on some scenes including a male-to-female transgendered woman. And your post reminds me of something I wanted to add to my shopping list lol- a snake bite kit because I’m not a camper, never even held them, but the idea of using them for suction play just sounds too neat.
Hi, Joelle! I know what you mean. I few weeks ago I had to ask someone what it feels like to enjoy g-spot stimulation because I totally don’t, LOL. I had no idea how to write that for a character who gets into it. And that’s nothing compared to how much I don’t understand about transgender or gay male relationships. I’m really hesitant to write M/M for that reason. I understand the technical aspects of the plumbing, but how it actually feels, and how men’s minds work is another story. Eek.
Another thought- I’ve argued with one of my beta readers over this- my commitment to realistic scenes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read her comment: “This is fiction!”
Whoa! Doesn’t he or she understand how dangerous it can be? I don’t understand that mindset when it comes to something like BDSM. Bad beta. I think someone needs to be punished… 😀
CP, Mr. Wanton here. Occassionaly the wife will turn on an audio recorder before we enjoy each other. She uses this for her writing. When I read or hear some of the things I have said or done, when I’m not in a state of arousal it frequently sounds over the top or almost unbelievable 🙂
Found your blog via Absolute Write !
Merry Christmas
Hi, Mr. Wanton, welcome! I’m glad you came and checked out the blog. I can’t imagine listening to an audio recording of myself having sex, LOL. I love it that your wife gets inspiration that way. You guys must have a hot sex life! 😀