smelling rosesSex is a sensual experience. Duh, right? But most of us fail to use all of our senses during sex. And even the senses we do use are often narrowly focused. We look at someone and see how attractive they are. We touch and feel wetness and friction. But there is so much more.

 Sex is better when I take time notice all of the things I experience while having it. The texture of a lover’s hair, the warmth of his skin. The feel of his hands and tongue, not just in the obvious places, but everywhere on my body. And what about smell? It can be delicious. A hint of soap or shampoo, that scent that lingers on the sheets after a nice, long romp. The sound of flesh meeting flesh, the hiss of linens sliding against each other. The taste of his lips and tongue.

 Making sex better for my partner means tending to all of his senses. Looking good is only the beginning. I want to please him with my scent and flavor, with the variety of sensations I offer. I want to know if he likes music, or likes to hear me moan, so I can offer him those pleasures. If I consider every aspect of our time together, I can add so much more to the experience for both of us.

Of course, the same thing applies to writing. Making sex scenes hotter means describing everything, not just the obvious. It’s the little things that can draw in a reader. Unexpected things, like the way little puffs of breath tickle when someone laughs against your skin.

 My goal this year (one of them, anyway) is to pay more attention to the sensations of everyday life. If I get into the habit of appreciating everything I see, taste, smell, hear and feel, I’ll start doing it during sex, too. That’s a New Year’s resolution I’ll enjoy keeping. 

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