The Imperfect DomI ran across this today and wanted to share it, with permission from the author.

 BDSM romance sometimes falls into the trap of creating the perfect Dom, one who never screws up, always knows what is best, and always meets the sub’s needs. I guess that’s true of any romance hero, and it’s great for fantasy. But it simply doesn’t exist in the real world. The list below is something I believe everyone should understand and discuss before getting into a real life Dom/sub relationship. A similar list could be made for subs. So, with thanks to x_Cleric_x from Fetlife, here is…


The Imperfect Dominants’ Charter

By x_Cleric_x


  • I will fuck up, more than once. On at least one of those occasions, you will suffer because of it.
  • I will not always be good enough, or strong enough, or wise enough.
  • I won’t treat you as you deserve to be treated all the time. I will have bad days and that will affect how I am with you.
  • I will give in to my emotions sometimes, and you will see me in a light that you may not want to as a result.
  • Sometimes, the dynamic that we have worked so hard to create will be the last thing on Earth I want to think about.
  • I will misread you, and misunderstand you.
  • I won’t always know what you are feeling, even if you tell me. My responses to that will be incorrect, and will make things worse.
  • My life will get in the way of our relationship, and what we want from each other. I will not always handle this as well as I could.
  • I will depend on you, and I will need you to guide me sometimes.
  • I will ask you to make decisions when you want me to make them, because I am not able to do so at that time.
  • I will not always give you as much attention as you need. And I won’t realise that I have done this.
  • I will lose my patience with you sometimes.
  • I will not always be able to give you what you want, now or in the future.
  • I will suffer from jealousy and insecurity. And you will suffer from my jealousy and insecurity in turn.
  • I will not always deserve you, nor understand what you see in me.
  • Just as you crave my attention, sometimes I will crave for you to leave me alone.
  • I will not always communicate with you as well as I should. I will want to keep things to myself that I shouldn’t, and some of the things I do share with you, I will do so in an unhelpful way.
  • There will be times when I am happy when you aren’t, and resent that you don’t match my mood. There will be times when I am unhappy when you aren’t, and resent that you don’t match my mood.
  • I will feel guilty about what you give me, and inadequate about what I give to you.
  • I won’t always like you, nor you always like me.
  • We will argue and disagree, and we won’t always handle this like adults.
  • I will forget things, important things that matter to you, and will need to be reminded of them.
  • I will struggle with my own rules.
  • I will sometimes be unable to take control of myself, let alone another.
  • I will sometimes resent the responsibility our relationship places on me.

But most importantly:

  • I will accept that while neither of us want any of the above to happen, sooner or later it will. And while I will always be at my best when trying to be the perfect Dominant, I will get closest to that by accepting that I am not.

Loving couple